"You'll Blink"

My baby is 4.  It's kind of strange that my littlest is getting so big.  I knew this day would come, but didn't realize how fast.  Everyone who has "big kids" warned me.  You hear it all the time..."You'll blink and they'll be grown...etc."  And how true it is.  The girls are far from grown, but they are growing fast.  And I'm excited that they are changing and learning and growing, but also wish time would just freeze sometimes!  I love how fun they are right now.  I love how the biggest issues of the day can be if they play Legos or do a craft.  How it's the simple skinned knee that causes tears and not the issues of middle school friends!  I love how they still want to snuggle and sit beside me and want me to tell them stories.

Yesterday we had a picnic after church and Steve asked me if I was able to have any conversations with anyone.  I told him I was able to have a lot of half conversations and one full one.  The others were met with "I need to go to the bathroom" or "Mom, can you look at this sandman's head?" or "Mom, look at this (dead) fish I caught!"  And the cool thing is, as much as I would have loved to have had a full length grown up conversation with each of those friends, I'm grateful to be in the season of interruptions.  I hesitated for a couple of minutes to jump up and take one of my little ones up the hill to the bathroom, because I had been wanting to have a conversation with this friend for some time now, but when I did get up and take her, I was so glad I did.  As she skipped along and laughed, I thought it won't be long and she won't need me to go with her.  She won't need me to help her wiggle back into her wet bathing suit back up or turn the knob on the sink. So, instead of feeling frustrated, I actually, by God's grace, was able to enjoy the so-called interruptions.  And I'm slowly learning that they really aren't interruptions.  They are opportunities to teach and train and enjoy the little people God has given to us to care for this season.

So, my baby is 4 as of yesterday.  And she loves elephants and the color purple and blowing bubbles.  She loves Popsicles and Magna Doodles and playing with her beads and drawing with chalk.  She carries her pink Princess Softy wherever she can and she likes to wear dresses and brown sandals.  She wants fish kisses and worship songs before she falls asleep at night as she's being tucked in before her prayers.  And next year this time she'll probably have a different favorite color and toy and I'll be happy she's 5, but I won't wish away this season.  I'll enjoy learning and growing with her!

It is called...

a light (Psalm 119:105)
   a fire and a tool (Jeremiah 23:29)
      a weapon (Ephesians 6:17)
         seed (1 Peter 1:23)

It is perfect, sure, right, pure, true and righteous.

It is sweeter than honey, and to be desired more than much fine gold (Psalm 19:7-10).

It can convert the soul.

Make wise the simple.

Rejoice the heart.

Enlighten the eyes.

It is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword.

It is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)

                                    It is the Word of God.

Am I being governed by the Word of God?  That is a question I've been thinking on as I've been reading Donald Whitney's excellent book "Ten Questions to Diagnose Your Spiritual Health".

Governed - (Websters 1828) - Directed; regulated by authority; controlled; managed; influenced; restrained.

What is most important to me?  Where do I go for answers? strength?  hope?  Where do I go for light and life?  Where do I go to search for wisdom on how to train my children?  be a wife to my husband?  on how to love others?  Am I daily being informed and influenced by the Word of God?  If not, what is influencing me?  These are questions I'm asking myself...and forcing myself to answer honestly.  

I love this resolve from Jonathan Edwards...

"Resolved, To study Scriptures so steadily, constantly, and frequently, as that I may find and plainly perceive myself to grow in the knowledge of the same."

The Word.  It IS alive.  It IS active.  It DOES bring change to this heart. May I be increasingly governed by it's Truth.

Little Girl.Long Way

Out of the Depths

-Sovereign Grace Music

Out of the depths, O Lord, I cry to You
When I am tempted to despair
Though I might fail to trust Your promises
You never fail to hear my prayer
And if You judged my sin
I’d never stand again
But I see mercy in Your hands

So more than watchmen for the morning
I will wait for You, my God
When my fears come with no warning
In Your Word I’ll put my trust
When the harvest time is over and I still see no fruit
I will wait, I will wait for You

The secret mysteries belong to You
We only know what You reveal
And all my questions that are unresolved
Don’t change the wisdom of Your will
In every trial and loss
My hope is in the cross
Where Your compassions never fail

This song rang through our home, our car, our shower, my head, my heart many, many, many times for the first 3 years of our Jordyn's life.

Today I was sitting here at breakfast, watching her put down some Rice Crispies, and I was just overwhelmed with JOY.

Joy in what the Lord has done and is doing in this little girl - the little girl who used to scream, out of anger, for eight or nine hours straight. The little girl who used to sit on the floor and bury her fists in the ground when we asked her to do something. The little girl who would refuse to eat because she simply didn't want to pick up the food. The little girl who would scream every Sunday during worship.

This morning she's eating and listening and talking - thanking me for her cereal and asking to play beads, and as she clears her dishes and puts them in the sink she begins dancing around the kitchen saying "it's time to party"! The LORD indeed is good. And not only has He been changing her, He's been changing me. Again...big, grateful sigh! =) HIS steadfast love endures forever. HIS faithfulness never ends. HIS mercies ARE new e.v.e.r.y. day.

I read these verses this morning and began praying it for the girls...

"The Lord is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation. Glad songs of salvation are in the tents of the righteous." Psalm 118:14-15

May He be their strength and song. May He save them! May glad songs pour forth from their lips as they are overwhelmed by God's unending, never-stopping, always and forever love!

3234 Oak Tree Lane

Over the last couple of months, Steve has been building a playhouse for the girls.

It's about 6 feet off the ground, looks like our house =), has a great view, and is so.stinkin'.cute.

When I see the playhouse in all its adorableness (not sure that is really a word!), I think of the hours and hours of fun the girls are going to have playing house and school and restaurant, the hours of reading and eating and laughing, the hours of sister-talks and friend-talks, the times they'll run up there for a good cry or to just think for a while. But that's not what I think about most when I look out my window and see the house with the address 3234 Oak Tree Lane. (Reagan's address for their new place!) I think most about the man who put the house together and what a labor of love that house displays.

What a dad. What a man. He has so much to do and yet he takes the time and money to make something special for his girls. Regularly I think they don't realize how good they have it. And then I think in many ways I'm glad they don't. I tell them regularly, but they have nothing to compare too. That their dad enjoys playing with them and teaching them to throw baseballs and climb trees and weed the yard is normal for them. I am so thankful that they have a dad that will stop and listen to them and tickle them and pray over them. Who will take them out for breakfast dates on Fridays and Lowes dates on Saturdays and read the Bible to them over breakfast. Who will take them on walks and teach them to ride bikes and dare them to do things I wouldn't do!

When I look at that little yellow house with a tin roof, I see another expression of love from a dad who adores his girls. I hope that little house weathers a lot of storms (and any large falling tree branches!). More than that, I hope the Lord uses it and the many other ways their dad demonstrates love and care toward them to set their eyes and hearts on HIM, and that He uses the ways that Steve loves them as their earthly father to reveal to them that He, their Savior, loves them even more. My heart is full of gratefulness when I see my girls being cared for by their dad.

Who Am I?

A couple of weeks ago I received a package I had been waiting for in the mail. I was so excited, only when I opened it up I realized I had made a mistake and ordered the wrong thing.

And it was a heavy thing...

Oh, and I did mention it was MY mistake...

So shipping it back was going to be expensive.

I hate making mistakes like that. I started calling myself names like "I'm such an idiot, I'm so stupid," etc...I know, I know - real mature! Reagan stopped me and said "Mom, why are you saying those things about yourself? You really shouldn't - it's not true." Gulp. I stopped. And I thanked her. Later that night, I was thinking about my costly mistake again and those words began taunting me again - along with others like "failure, you just disappoint others, you're so dumb you can't even order something online right", etc., etc. - In that moment I felt like the Lord stopped me and said "This is who you - and maybe others - say you are - but who do I say you are? Look to Me. Look to the Truth in My Word. I call you by these names:

My beloved.

My friend.

My child.

Saved.

Clean.

Forgiven.

Called.

Chosen one.

Dearly loved.

This is my true identity. This is my identity IN CHRIST. Not because of anything I have done or have not done, but because of Who HE is and what He has accomplished on that rugged tree.

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above,

where Christ is,seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above,

not on things that are on earth."

Colossians 3:1-2

Lord, keep my eyes off myself and on You. Thank you that when my eyes are on You, and how You love Your children, I can't help but want to worship. Thank You that You are always faithful to Your promises and You never leave or forsake the one's You draw to Yourself.

100 Plus Joys

2 winters ago I spent a little time just recounting some of the gifts from the Lord that bring joy into my life. I've had them on my side bar, but am trying to update. I'm adding them here so I can look back when needed! =)

1 - That my Savior would call me His and that never will He leave or forsake me!

2 - When Jordyn runs up to me, squeezes my leg, gives it a big kiss and tells me she loves me!

3 - Holding Steve's hand!

4 - Going to get Steve a Slurpee even if it is 40 degrees outside!

5 - Drinking hot tea with a dear friend!

6 - Cooking for my family and friends!

7 - Sitting on our front porch and reading while it is still really quiet in the morning!

8 - Wrapping Christmas gifts for our family!

9 - Watching my husband grow in the midst of everyday life and learning from him!

10 - How it feels after a good, hard workout at the gym when I've been pushed to do things I didn't think I could physically accomplish!

11 - Reading Reagan's stories she's writing for school and watching her smile her toothless smile!

12 - Snuggling with Sydney when she lays down for her nap and talking to just her for a few minutes!

13 - Talking to my mom on the phone after I drop our babysitter off after CG!

14 - Seeing my friends with their two new baby girls from China and their love and compassion that is truly a gift from God!

15 - The treat of sipping on a hot peppermint mocha from Starbucks!

16 - Playing hopscotch in the living room with the girls!

17 - The time I get to talk to Camille every other week as we drive to and from our houses!

18 - Playing Hungry, Hungry Hippos with the fam and Reagan giving up the pink Hippo so I can have a turn!

19 - For God's strength to take care of a sick little girl!

20 - For God's perfect sovereignty when His plans aren't what I have in mind for the day!

21 - Watching Reagan make Sydney sweet "Feel Better" cards and loving her little sissy!

22 - Working in the kitchen next to my 6 year old while she makes her lunch just because she wants to help me!

23 - Snuggling on this cold day and having a Little House on the Prairie marathon with my girls!

24 - Hearing Laura from Veggie Tales sing her song over and over again as the girls play with their nativity set!

25 - Thinking about the hot chocolate chip cookies I'm going to make for my man in a little while!

26 - Cristina making a super yummy dinner for all of us while I continue to do the constant cycle of laundry today and care for now 2 little sick ones!

27 - Rocking my babies in front of our lit Christmas tree with the winter landscape in the window behind!

28 - Experiencing God's grace as my girls ask me to pray for them instead of them complaining. I've been overwhelmed today by their attitudes and how much they have just wanted prayer because they know that God hears our prayers...and He answers us!

29 - Sitting in total silence for what may only be a moment. Yep, just a moment! =)

30 - Praying with my friend while we eat her yummy chocolate chip hazelnut cookies!

31 - Seeing my man after he's been gone all day!

32 - Trying to find the Teddy Bear at Trader Joe's with Reagan and Sydney so they can get a treat!

33 - Watching them enjoy their treat!

34 - Eating dinner with Ben and Cristina and Steve after all the kiddos are tucked into bed for the evening!

35 - Listening to C.J. remind us to keep the Gospel in front of us daily and worshiping God with other believers and friends!

36 - Giving the girls their cream sodas because it's Sunday!

37 - Talking to Steve and praying together so that hopefully we'll both learn to understand each other and encourage each other more...daily!

38 - Holding my sweet pregnant friend's squishy, sweet little girl for a few minutes at church!

39 - Getting a hug from Sheila!

40 - Seeing the first snowflakes of the season!

41 - Listening to the girls talk about what they learned at Sunday school this morning!

42 - A kiss from my hubby as he leaves to go to work!

43 - Listening to 6 little girls playing house and all being sweet to each other!

44 - Reading Reagan's creative little stories she writes for school!

45 - Thinking about seeing our family in 2 weeks!

46 - When hubby comes home from being gone all day!

47 - When hubby brings home special treats like flowers and Slurpees...just because!

48 - Listening to the girls laugh hysterically while being entertained by their Daddy before he prays for them and puts them to bed!

49 - Being able to make dinner almost every night for my family!

50 - Getting mail that isn't junk. (Like presents I've ordered or a note from my sister =)!)

51 - Hubby helping me when I'm not feeling so great!

52 - Hearing the girls laughing and having fun with Cristina and Luke while they make Gingerbread men!

53 - Having friends who care about my soul and listen and speak Truth into my life!

54 - Warm clean sheets, hot tea and soft socks!

55 - Snuggling and watching Robin Hood with my man!

56 - Reading a card my sweet Reagan made me today saying she saved her gingerbread man cookie for me!

57 - Family worship time!

58 - Holding Jordyn and praying for her before I put her in her crib!

59 - Watching little sissies love on each other after they have been encouraged by their Daddy to do so! =)

60 - Being able to run at the gym!

61 - Fresh haircuts and a fun stylist to talk too!

62 - Anticipating a date night out with my man!

63 - Having time with the ladies in our care group and seeing God at work in each of their lives!

64 - Reading about Jesus' birth with the kiddos!

65 - Being able to get up in the morning and spend time in the Word being envisioned by God's Truth.

66 - Being able to work out at the gym with a trainer and being able to talk to her about what's going on in her life. And being able to pray for her and let her know it!

67 - Listening to little girls talk and giggle 'till after 10 last night when they had one of their dear little friends over to spend the night!

68 - Having a girls' night in with Ashley and Cristina and laughing through the movie we watched!

69 - A big pot of home made soup cooking and bread baking while I write a few cards!

70 - Letting Jordyn "help" me wrap presents this morning!

71 - Going to a Christmas program with our sweet neighbors!

72 - Talking with Steve late at night!

73 - Knowing and believing that "The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love...He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His steadfast love toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove our transgressions from us." Ps 103:8, 10-12

74- Cleaning my home!

75 - Watching and listening to little girls play with Legos for hours and hours and eating their Lego cupcakes and cookies!

76 - Listening to the girls playing mommy and baby...it's very revealing, too!!

77 - A kiss good morning from my man!

78 - Baking goodies for our friends and neighbors!

79 - Helping the Hartman's move into their new home!

80 - Getting our home ready for our Care Group's Christmas party!

81 - Reading with the girls by the fireplace after our CG Christmas party has been canceled due to icy roads!

82 - Bringing goodies out to people who've been trying for hours to make their way home only to be stopped in traffic in front of our house!

83 - Playing Scrabble in front of a warm fire with my man and laughing at his goofy faces!

84 - Checking on Jordyn before I go to bed at night...being able to give her kisses and cover her up with her multiple blankies and give put her baby doll and puppy dog back in her chubby little arms!

85 - Being able to read "The Gospel for Real Life, Shopping for Time and my Bible and drink my Awake tea before anyone else (but of course Steve) is up in the morning!

86 - A phone call from a friend inviting me to go over for dessert!

87 - Making cookies with friends and talking while 12 little kids run circles around us!

88 - Getting Reagan and Sydney dressed up and ready so they can go on a date with their Daddy! (Dinner and Shopping!)

89 - Going out Christmas shopping with Jordyn and listening to her as she has an opportunity to talk since her two big sisters are elsewhere!

90 - The quote in my text by Jerry Bridges!

91 - Talking to one of my dearest friend for a LONG time on the phone about anything and everything!

92 - Taking Christmas goodies and cards to all our neighbors!

93 - Going and visiting my great aunt who moved here from California!

94 - Watching my girls faces light up when they get to buy presents for their Daddy!

95 - Helping Reagan hand sew Sydney's Christmas present and watching her wrap it all by herself.

96 - Snuggling on the couch with Jordyn and Sydney while we read books together!

97 - Playing games in the van with the girls while we are driving here and there and everywhere!

98 - Listening to Steve read the Christmas story while we are all in our new Christmas p.j.s that he picked out special for each of us!

99 - Thinking about having the whole day with my little family tomorrow without a big agenda other than celebrating our Savior and enjoying each other!

100 - Watching Reagan sing with the children's choir at church as we celebrate our Savior with our church family and hoping the Lord uses the words to soften her heart towards the Gospel!

(Um, I think I'll just keep going!)

101 - The uninterrupted time Steve and I were able to talk on our drive down to Orlando yesterday about our goals and hopes for 2011!

102 - Seeing my Mama last night when we arrived at her home which she so graciously is giving up for us this week!

103 - Getting a pair of very special earrings that I have wanted since I was a child!

104 - Eating cheese and sausage biscuits and having an unhurried morning with the girls and Steve!

105 - Playing Trouble with the girls!

106 - Getting back into a "normal" routine and having play time with the girls. Laughing with them as they make up silly ways to play their games and listening to them encourage each other as they win or lose!

107 - When my 6 year old sweetie pie asks if she can have a private conversation with just me to talk about something that happened while she was with some other children today and being able to point her to our Savior and pray for her!

108 - Walking around my in-laws home for the last time on Sunday and remembering all the wonderful memories we shared there. Then thinking ahead with JOY about the memories to be made in their new home in a new city as they follow God's will for their lives.

109 - Snow days!

110 - Reading Joni Eareckson Tada's testimony in her book "The God I Love".

111 - Talking over the 31 questions from the Romantic Vineyard's blog with my man and learning more about him!

112 - Big cups of cold water and mugs of hot tea!

113 - Snuggling with Sydney when she just wakes up from a nap!

114 - Having friends over and listening to 8 little girls playing together!

115 - Being able to have people in our home on a regular basis for food and fellowship!

116 - Walking to the mailbox with my man!

117 - Being able to thank God everyday for how He provides for us and blesses us and knowing that He will never leave or forsake us.

118 - Being able to read for an extended amount of time!

More Truth.

"...It is not for the flock of sheep to know the pasture the shepherd has in mind. It is for them simply to follow him. If they knew his plans included a valley of deep shadow, they would panic. Keeping close to the one they have learned to trust is all that is necessary. He will faithfully provide rest, refreshment, correction and protection as the needs arise. His accompanying presence is guaranteed, all the way - even through the darkest shadows - to the house of the Lord." - Elisabeth Elliot

"Healing is in Your Hands"

by: Christy Nockels

No mountain, no valley, no gain or loss we know
could keep us from Your love
No sickness, no secret, no chain is strong enough
to keep us from Your love
to keep us from Your love

How high, how wide
No matter where I am, healing is in Your hands
How deep, How strong,
And now by Your grace I stand, healing is in Your hands

Our present, our future, our past is in Your hands
We're covered by Your blood
We're covered by Your blood

How high, How wide
no matter where I am, healing is in Your hands
How deep, How strong
And now by Your grace I stand, healing is in Your hands

Joy.

"The joy of the Lord is my strength." That has been a verse that has been on my heart and mind since I became a Christian when I was 16. Over the last two and a half years, in particular, I believe the Lord has been teaching me what this really looks like.

One of my friends shared this quote today:

"Joyfully embracing God's will doesn't mean that we're always laughing or smiling. There's not much laughter around a death bed or in the emergency room. To joyfully embrace God's will means that during the sobs and sorrow we say to God, "I bless your name, for you are always good to me." --the greener grass conspiracy

I want to be a cheerful, joyful Christian, wife, mom, daughter, friend, sister, etc. I want to be able to smile and laugh a lot. (Thankfully I have a funny husband who fills our home with humor and laughter!) I want this to be true of my life..."Cheerfulness is the support of our strength; in the joy of the Lord are we strong...Let us show to the people of the world, who think our religion to be slavery, that it is to us a delight and a joy! Let our gladness proclaim that we serve a good Master." (CH Spurgeon)

The past couple of years in particular there has been a lot of sorrow and a lot of tears. Jordyn's first couple of years of life were difficult and revealed so much of what I really believed about parenting and seeing my need for God - in every moment of the day. We have had family members walking through trials and difficulties that bring many tears to my eyes as I even write this. My heart is heavy and burdened for them, yet I know our kind Master is holding them near and is eager to give them comfort and peace.

Joy isn't always being bubbly and smiling. Although I do believe as children of our Risen Savior our faces should be radiant! Joy is know that I am standing on the Solid Rock. That our God is good all the time and that even though I may not understand His ways, I can always trust His hand. It's knowing that no matter what, it is always well with my soul. It's knowing that He gives and He takes away, and in both I can say "Blessed be Your Name". It's being aware that "A bruised reed He will not break, and a faintly burning wick He will not quench (Is 42:3). It's knowing that Heaven is my home and that time here on earth is short. It's knowing that God is with us, will not leave us, will not forsake us, will strengthen and uphold us - through the ordinary cares of life, and through any great trials and blessings He may have in store for us.

In this I find my joy. That Jesus would suffer, die, rise again and draw me to Himself. That He would give me life and with that give me hope in His true and living Word.

"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is an everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not grow faint or weary, His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might, He increases strength." Is 40:28-31

You are God, and You are great

And we need You this very day

To wipe our eyes, to lift our gaze

So we can see Your mighty ways

We may not grasp or understand

The workings of Your mighty hand

But we can trust and hope in You

For all You do is good and true

You comfort us right where we are

You know our thoughts, You know our hearts

You know our fears and struggles within

You know our victories, You see our sins

In everything, the Cross shines through

Because of that we have hope in You

You love the ones You call Your own

And one day You will call us home

Life on this earth is difficult - full of want and need

But our time here is short indeed

For one day soon we'll enter our true home

Before Your throne, worshiping You alone!

How God Used A Drought and An Umbrella

There was a severe drought some years ago in the northern part of England. The situation became so severe that if it would not rain within a week, the crops would be totally lost. Due to this urgent need, it was decided to have a special prayer service for rain in one of the local churches.

As the minister of this congregation was approaching the church, he saw a little girl ahead of him carrying an umbrella. He caught up with the girl and asked her, “My little girl, why are you carrying an umbrella to church on such a hot day?”

Turning and looking into his face, the girl answered, “We are going to ask God to send rain today. I want to be ready.”

The minister testified in his sermon that the faith of this girl put him to shame.

From “How God Used a Drought and an Umbrella” by Joel R. Beeke and Diana Kleyn

The Best Day of the Week

My favorite day of the week for many years now has been Sunday. I love Sunday mornings. I love going to church to worship Jesus with some of the dearest people I know. I love listening to the messages and being fed by the Word of God. This past Sunday Steve left early to get ready to play for worship (which was absolutely, positively wonderful and refreshing!) and the girls and I got off to a bit of a rocky start. Two were whining (well, if you add me, that's 3) and we were running behind. Of course no one was out of bed or eager to get dressed or do their chores. In a moment I just thought "This is what the enemy would love to do. He loves to come in a destroy and distract. But God is bigger than him. And He is so much bigger than my own sin." So, the girls and I sat down and prayed and read through and talked about Proverbs 3. We thanked God that not only is His mercy new every morning, but it was new for that moment!

Matt Rawlings from the Greenville church came to serve our church and speak while Aaron is on vacation with his sweet family. God, in His kindness, used him to remind me of His nearness and His care for us. He didn't need too, nor did He have too, but through the message on Sunday I was so encouraged that the Lord does indeed hear our prayers. I really do believe that, but it was just one of those moments where I was overwhelmed by His kindness and my hope was built even more!

Matt spoke on Proverbs 3 (what I've been reading with the girls) and Jeremiah 32:17. The verse that I wrote about earlier in the week that has been such an encouragement to me. I sat there thinking, "Seriously, out of all the passages, all the verses, this pastor could preach on, he's using Jeremiah 32:17. I've never heard a pastor preach from that Scripture!"

Here are a couple of questions/thoughts from the message on Sunday:

* What do I do when I am tempted to doubt? Where do I run? Do I wake up proclaiming trust in God? Do I believe He will sustain us? Where am I attempting to trust my abilities?

* What is trust? It is an active reliance on God and who He is!

* Who do we trust? We trust in the all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving God - if we doubt any of these areas, we are not trusting God.

* We can trust God not because of our experiences, but because of who He is.

OH, and then if that weren't already enough, toward the end of the message he referenced Hebrews 11. Yep. Sunday was super.

Please take the time to listen to this message. It will encourage you and remind you that God is indeed all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-loving!

Truth.

I know there are always trials around us. I know we live in a fallen world where there is pain and suffering and sadness and sickness. The last few months in particular, it seems like a lot of that has been very near. We've been near to families dealing with death, rebellion, barrenness, heartache, sickness and pain. I don't think there has ever been a time in my life where the Lord has given me such a burden, and such a hope for others. And not just a "Just believe in Jesus and it will be okay" (said with a big cheesy smile), but a "I've been able to look back and see God's faithfulness and I truly believe He is who He says He is and His Word is true and He will remain faithful through every circumstance."

The beginning of the year the Lord lead me to two places in His Word and I have been camped out there for the most part this year. One is Romans 8:28 - "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." The other is Hebrews 11 which recounts the faithfulness of God. On many days I have had to cry out to God to really and truly make my heart believe Romans 8:28, for when I just see the pain someone is walking through, it can be hard to remember that not only is it for God's glory (that would be enough), but it is also for the good of those who love Him. And I must stand on the solid rock of His Truth!

There is another verse of Truth that I think on regularly right now, too. It is Jeremiah 32:17 "Ah, Lord God! It is You who made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and by Your outstretched arm! Nothing is too hard for You." What hope I find in that Truth! When I find myself struggling with the same sin, or am talking to someone dear to me who is having to make decisions that seem unbearable, I can remember that God can do anything at any moment. He can change a heart of stone (He changed mine!). He can heal a sick and broken body. He can give the barren woman children! He can open hearts to believe and trust in Him! He can give those in the midst of tragedy peace and a heart that runs to Him, not from Him! And if we are alive in Christ, an eternity awaits us where we will be in the presence of the Most Holy and there will be no more sin, no more suffering, no more tears!!

Seeing God in the Details...

Two Sundays ago Mama called us around 5:15 PM. I was in the middle of making dinner when I picked up the phone. When I heard her voice I knew something was terribly wrong. I don't think I've ever heard her sound like she did, and although she was calm, I just knew something bad had happened. She told me they believed Matthew had been killed in a car accident. It was a fiery crash, so nothing was confirmed, but they were pretty confident it was him. My heart instantly ached. I mean I know these kind of accidents happen everyday, but never so close to home. I was a mess. It was so hard to be so far from my family that night, although I knew there was absolutely nothing I could have done for them that evening other than cry out to God on their behalf. So that's what we did. We prayed and prayed. And cried. By the time I was up and going on Monday, Steve and a couple of families from our church were all set to take care of the girls for the week. I couldn't wait to go and be with my Sissy and Mark. I am so grateful I was able to be there and see God's hand upon them, holding them up and bringing them comfort in the midst of their heartache. Here are a few things I do not want to forget about the past couple of weeks.

God is in the details. I know this and believe this, but I saw this in ways I don't know that I ever have before. Even in when my sister and I had our different little Valentine's Parties planned. Mine was on Friday, and the Lord knew Monday would not have worked, and Sissy's was on Monday, and God knew her little girls would need a distraction that day. The Williams, who have lived in different places throughout the years, are a part of the same church...and had even been in Mark and Sissy's care group. The Williams had lost two of their precious children in an accident several years ago. Kim drove us to the crash site and to see the truck and he was able to ask questions and demonstrate compassion and care like no one else could. As Spurgeon said "Instructed by affliction, you will become a comforter to the afflicted." The Williams, through their own suffering, are bringing comfort and care to my sis and bro in ways others could not. Watching other details like families interacting and making the most difficult of decisions with peace and care and concern for one another, the church and neighbors bringing meals, the phone calls, the pastor coming by with Starbucks and dark chocolate, the girls all sleeping through the night, for our local church family and the care they showed my family by loving on my girls and sending emails and text messages and calling us to let us know they were praying, for my amazing neighbor who brought us enough food for a couple of meals...oh, so many more details, but those are a few that stick out to me...Oh, and laying in bed watching Bernie Mac. =)

And then even bigger. When God's Word says "peace that passes understanding", He truly does give this in proportion to what we need when we need it. Grace is not for our imaginations. Grace is for the moment. And I have watched as my sister and Mark have walked in this peace. We sure don't understand God's plan or timing, but I have seen peace in the midst of a storm. And that is only something God can do in the midst of tragedy.

How thankful I am for the time I was able to spend with my nieces. I have not been able to spend that much time with them since having children of my own. I'm so grateful I was able to take them to get ice cream (and fun dip) and drive them to their class and help them do school and pick out their clothes and paint their nails and pray with them and just be with them.

Matthew's service was incredible. Mark spoke and honored God and his son. One thinks they could never do that....stand up and speak at your child's funeral, but he did it and did it well. Again, the sustaining hand of God was on clear demonstration.

Leaving on Saturday was hard. I couldn't wait to hold my babies and kiss and love on them, but I didn't want to leave Mark and Sissy, knowing this next week could possibly be even harder than the last. I have cried many tears for them this week. I am grateful for the Word of God and writers like Elisabeth Elliot and Charles Spurgeon and the Betters. I am grateful that our hope is in what is unseen, not what is seen.

If anyone besides Mama reads this ;), please keep praying for my Sissy and Mark and the girls. Pray that they will continue to experience peace and that they will experience the comfort and care of their Savior like they never have before.

Tonight we sang "Blessed Be Your Name" and "Rock of Ages" and "Our God is Greater" during our family worship time. Praise be to God that HE is our Rock and our Refuge and that in His strength, we can bless His name both when He gives and takes away.

"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold and my refuge, my savior...I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised...This God - his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him." 2 Samuel 22:2-4, 31

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Ps 147:3

And this song...

God works in a mysterious way, His wonders to perform.

He plants His footsteps in the sea, and rides upon the storm.

You fearful saints, fresh courage take: the clouds you so much dread

Are big with mercy and shall break in blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense, but trust Him for His grace;

Behind a frowning providence He hides a smiling face.

Blind unbelief is sure to err and scan His work in vain;

God is His own interpreter, and He will make it plain.

So God, we trust in You. So God, we trust in You.

When fears are great and comforts few, we trust in mercies ever new,

We trust in You.

10 Fun Weekend Memories...

10. Playing Don't Spill the Beans and Don't Break the Ice with the girls Friday night.

9. Watching Robinhood with my man after the girls went to bed.

8. Sleeping in on Saturday morning.

7. Having the Snyders come over and play and visit all day on Saturday.

6. Going through magazines and getting organized Saturday night.

5. Having everything ready for Sunday morning before Sunday morning.

4. Goodnight kisses from tired little girls.

3. Reading for extended amounts of time.

2. Going to church on this morning and being encouraged by Truth and being able to worship with friends.

1. Having lunch with friends after church.

oh, and a couple more...

Being able to go the gym and run a mile in 7 min. 15 sec., making dinner with the girls, putting clean sheets on my bed, and watching Little House on the Prairie with the girls before tucking them in for the evening! =)

Rock of Ages, cleft for me...

1. Tuesday I was reading Joni Eareckson Tada's book "The God I Love" and her family was singing "Rock of Ages". Throughout the day I was singing the first verse over and over again to myself. At rest time Reagan heard me and came in the room so excited! She's been reading these wonderful little books, and the story she read that same morning had "Rock of Ages" in it! I love when God gives those special opportunities to be able to share with my girls about who He is and to see how He is softening especially Reagan's heart towards Himself!

1. Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
   Let me hide myself in Thee;
   Let the water and the blood,
   From Thy wounded side which flowed,
   Be of sin the double cure,
   Save from wrath and make me pure.
2. Not the labor of my hands
   Can fulfill Thy law’s demands;
   Could my zeal no respite know,
   Could my tears forever flow,
   All for sin could not atone;
   Thou must save, and Thou alone.
3. Nothing in my hand I bring,
   Simply to Thy cross I cling;
   Naked, come to Thee for dress;
   Helpless, look to Thee for grace;
   Foul, I to the fountain fly;
   Wash me, Savior, or I die.
4. While I draw this fleeting breath,
   When my eyes shall close in death,
   When I rise to worlds unknown,
   And behold Thee on Thy throne,
   Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
   Let me hide myself in Thee.

Snowed In!

Friday. 3 PM. I entered our normally very mellow, calm Publix and was almost run over by elderly people in the produce department. "What is going on?" I asked the manager working nearby. He said it was because of the big storm that was coming on Sunday. Well, Little House on the Prairie had not informed me of an upcoming storm, and since that is all I had watched that day, I had no idea what was going on!

Saturday we went to Lowes and it was crazy, too. They had sold out of salt and generators and other items that may come in handy should you be stuck at home (or wanting to get out of your home!). Steve and I didn't think much of it. I thought I might should find some candles in case our power went out for a little while.

We had a super time on Sunday with a family from our church! They ended up staying for lunch and dinner and left around 8. At 9, Steve and I retreated to our room to watch a movie. We came down at 11 and it was quite eerie! Outside was white and light! I've never seen anything like it! It was beautiful! Before breakfast on Monday we dressed the girls in multiple layers and went out to play in the snow! We made snow cones, snow balls, attempted a snow man, looked for animal tracks, played on the swing, made a sled out of a box and went down our little hills, etc.! They had so much fun!! (And so did I!)

Day 2 of the snow, not so much fun. A thin layer of ice surrounded our house and it was colder than the day before. But, I did enjoy not being able to go anywhere. To be undistracted and able to just be home!

Yesterday we tried to leave, but we couldn't make it out of our long, icy driveway. I made it to the front gate and then had to back all the way up to the house! More Little House on the Prairie awaited us when we got back in!!

Today I was beginning to go a little stir crazy. How in the world do people live in this for months on end?!?! I made it out in Steve's car and went to the store.

It's been so fun to experience snow and watching our girls playing and having such a good time. It's been fun experiencing different seasons since we moved up here, too! But I do have to say, there is still a lot of Florida heat running through my veins!! I'm going to try to not wish winter away, but spring time will be joyfully welcomed around here!

...and a partridge in a pear tree! =)

Whew, December is over. We are already 3 days into 2011. We had a great Christmas with family and friends. I better put down a quick re-cap of the month!

December 17: We had our family Christmas Eve dinner and opened our p.j.s from Steve and he read the Christmas story.

December 18: We celebrated Christmas together. The girls had a blast and we had fun playing with their new toys. It was a relaxing day...until I had to pack for Orlando!! =) The girls opened their big gift from us which was going to be 2 hamsters (now we are going for one guinea pig - a little more durable!).

December 19: Reagan was in the little Christmas choir at church. They sang Hope Came Down and Go Tell it on the Mountain. She was so cute =). After church we had a potluck and then jumped in the van to head to Orlando!!!

In Orlando we stayed at Mama's. (By the way, she is one of the most gracious servants I know. I hope I am as selfless as she is one day.) We were able to hang out with her and Mom and Dad and Amy and Kaleb and Sissy and Mark and the twins and Emma! We also were able to have dinner with Jenn and David one night and the Traugotts! It was so good to visit Metro, too! We spent Christmas Eve-Eve at Mom and Dad's and then Christmas Eve at Mark and Sissy's. The week was full! We were able to help Mom and Dad pack and reminisce about many fond memories that were made in that home. The night before we left we also were able to go out for a yummy steak dinner with Mama!

Last week was full of playing, going to the gym, unpacking, and trying to resume "normal" life! Steve and I have been able to look back over the last year and see God's faithfulness, provision, and sustaining grace. We have been looking forward and talking about our hopes for this next year. My common answer right now is "Lord willing". We make plans, but I am thankful that it is the LORD who ordains our steps and nothing comes to us without first passing through His loving hands. I'm grateful that I don't know what this next year holds, but I know who is in control of each of my days and He never changes!

#90

From the Gospel for Real Life by Jerry Bridges on reconciliation...

"Happily for us, however, our reconciliation to God is permanent and eternal. Because Christ accomplished it for us, there is no possibility it can ever be undone. Though we continue, even as believers, to do those things that in themselves deserve God's displeasure, we can never revert to a state of divine alienation. For the sake of Christ, God will always accept us. And even when God deems it necessary to discipline us for persistent disobedience, He always does so out of love to restore us to the way of obedience (see Hebrews 12:4-11)...He not only saves us from sin's guilt and consequent alienation, He also delivers us from sin's reign and continues to work to progressively free us from sin's activity in our lives. However, in the midst of God's work and our struggle with indwelling sin, we must always keep in mind that our status of favor and friendship with God is always, and ever will be, based on the objective work of Christ for us as our representative and substitute. We have been forever reconciled to God through the death of His Son."

Due to Inclement Weather...

once again, His plans were not ours!

I've been so excited about hosting our Care Group's Christmas party at in our home. I've struggled a little this year with missing the familiarity of the long standing friendships and family in Orlando. I've missed the parties and dinners and baking days and shopping trips that have been associated with the people we love dearly - especially that would happen this time of year. So, planning and preparing for the party last night was exciting for me! Reagan and I went out around 3 to pick up wood for the fire and cut holly for a centerpiece for the table. Then around 5 I went outside and I couldn't believe it...there was ice on the driveway! Then I looked out the front window to see traffic at almost a stand-still! Seriously?!?! By 6, I made myself come to the reality we were going to be eating a lot of cookies by ourselves tonight. And I was disappointed. And I tried to have a good attitude. But for a few minutes I didn't. I told Steve I just didn't want to plan and look forward to anything because it seems like God just doesn't want me to do the fun things we plan. I know, I know...boo-hoo.

Steve graciously corrected me and encouraged me. (I love this guy!) And then God quickened my heart to a piece of Scripture I've held near this year..."The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." (Proverbs 16:9) Sure, I missed seeing all my friends last night and having fun and celebrating Christmas with them, but I was grateful they were all home safe, too.

And instead of pouting, God gave me the grace to change and enjoy the rest of the evening! Reagan, Sydney, Jordyn and I read about the 3 Wise Men and about Stinky Feet (their favorite story from the Jesus Storybook Bible) by the fire and then we watched cartoons before bed. Then Steve and I were getting ready to eat cookies, drink hot chocolate and play Scrabble (he really was trying to help me =)!) when he had the idea to bring some goodies out to the people who were desperately trying to get home. Now that was fun! It was fun to see the surprised look on the man's face when he got an unexpected treat. It was fun to help two ladies who had pulled over and had been sitting in their cars for hours because they were both scared to drive on the ice. It was wonderful to be able to bring them to our house so they could go to the bathroom and have a drink and something to eat. God knew those ladies would need a place to be refreshed last night. That has been my desire for our home. That people would come in and be refreshed. No matter how little or long they stay. And last night, once again, He answered that prayer - even if it was just for a few minutes! Then we played Scrabble and Steve beat me, but once again God showed me that even when His plans aren't my plans, He never changes and He is always good and worthy to be praised. So, I will keep praying and keep planning, but I'll hold those plans loosely, too. Knowing that even though I plan it is He who truly orders my days.

Today.

Today I woke up and went to the gym while it was freezing cold outside and started the day off by seeing two of my dear, sweet friends!

Today I watched 6 little girls play and listened to them giggle and be super good mommies to all their little babies!

Today I started reading The Gospel for Real Life and Shopping for Time.

Today I wrapped presents and excitedly opened packages that came in the mail today that are special gifts for special people!

Today I talked to my sister and mom on the phone to talk about Christmas!

Today we ate little gingerbread men at lunch and I watched all the little girls...and Luke =) nibble away one part at a time!

Today I was surprised by my sweet hubby when he came home from work with a Slurpee and dozen red roses in his hands for me!

Today I enjoyed eating dinner with my family and the Hartmans, realizing that this time next week they will be in the process of setting up their new home.

Right now I'm listening to 3 little girls laughing hysterically as their daddy entertains them before he prays for them and puts them to bed!

Today has been a good day!

When His Plans Are Not My Plans...

What a full, fun weekend we had planned! Friday we were going to go to the zoo, have dinner with friends and go to a meeting for church and the girls were excited about going to their friends for the evening. Saturday there were birthday parties and Lowe's projects to attend and a parade to go too, but God in His perfect planning had a different agenda already worked out for us.

Friday morning as I was getting ready for a fun day, I put on one of my new sweaters! I was greeted by my sweet Sydney - as I am most mornings - saying she needed to go to the bathroom. I was carrying her back downstairs when she got sick - all over my new sweater =) - and thankfully, the wood floor. Thus began a day of constant cleaning and caring for 2 sick little girls. Thankfully it was a fast and furious little bug and was done within a full day.

Reagan was upset about missing out on our fun plans (as was I), but I am so grateful for the opportunities this weekend allowed. I was able to talk to the girls about God's sovereignty and His perfect plan. God gives us good things. Actually, He always gives us what's best for us. Always. It may not always be what we want, or what's fun, but His care for us is planned out and specific and He loves us more than we can imagine. So, even though we were looking forward to fellowshipping with friends, celebrating birthdays, listening to the Word being preached on Friday night, etc., God's plan for this weekend was what was best to tend to our hearts.

I was amazed by the grace I experienced on Friday. See, I've never done well with throw up. Ever. Usually if someone else is sick, I can not even stand to be near them. But I experienced so much grace in caring for my little girls and cleaning up after them. I wasn't tempted to complain, but because God had already laid it on my heart to look for JOY, I was looking and again, He showed Himself faithful! Rarely do I just sit with the girls for extended amounts of time. We enjoyed a 4 hour Little House on the Prairie Marathon, I held them and rocked them and loved on them ALL day and well into the night. What precious time (even if there was a lot of yuck thrown in there, too)!

I am also amazed by how God sustains friends of mine and family who are regularly sick or care for those who are. As I cared for my sick children for one day, my heart was quickened to pray for the ones I love who are caring for sick babies or children or parents or spouses. It amazes me how He provides so much strength for those who need it, when it is needed!

So, this weekend wasn't all fun and games, but I'm grateful. Grateful that God is allowing me to rest and trust that I'm not missing out on things when walking in His will and plans for my days.